Let us look at thirteen tell-tale signs that may indicate that you have ROCD Type 1. Before that though, here’s a word of caution – unless you are clinically diagnosed by a professional, self-diagnosing and assuming that you have ROCD may not be the right thing to do. You may have ROCD, you may have ROCD plus something else, you may have something else altogether or you may have nothing. Practicing what is laid out here will not harm you, but practicing it incorrectly may. Hence, for your own wellbeing, make sure that you are diagnosed by a professional. To figure out if you may have ROCD, Dr. Jordan Levy of NYC compiled a set of thirteen signs for ROCD Type 1. Ask yourself the following questions:
- Do you test your level of attraction towards your partner by seeing if you are more attracted to other people such as strangers, friends, exes, or celebrities?
- Are you constantly dwelling over your partner’s physical imperfections? For example, thinking things like ‘Is his/her nose too big or eyebrows too thick/thin?’
- Are you constantly picking at your partner’s personality? For example, thinking things like ‘Is he/she boring? Are his/her jokes too corny? Does he/she feel passionate about all of the same things as me? Is he/she too shy? Is he/she smart enough?’
- Do you shy away from dating because no one seems good enough for you?
- Are you unwilling to take the next step in your relationship because you are focused on his/her flaws or on what is missing in the relationship?
- Do you constantly feel uncertain about whether or not you are in the ‘right’ relationship and that maybe there’s someone better out there for you?
- Are you engaged in endless attempts to figure out just how in love you feel with your partner? For example, thinking things like ‘Why don’t I miss him/her more even though we haven’t seen each other in over a week? Do I truly feel connected when we are together?’
- Do you seek reassurance by comparing your relationship to other relationships? For example, thinking things like ‘My friend and her boyfriend/girlfriend seem like such a better match than us. They seem so much happier than we are. My parents truly love each other and I don’t have that. Is it okay if it is not so?’
- Do you feel like you constantly need reassurance that you have made the ‘right’ choice in your partner?
- Are you comparing your relationship to a previous fun and exciting (often unhealthy) relationship to figure out if you feel the same way about your current partner?
- Are you avoiding watching romantic movies or TV shows that bring up unwanted thoughts and anxiety related to your relationships?
- Do you persistently look for answers on the internet and online forums?
- Have you found that sexual activity is a chore and a generally unpleasant and anxiety-filled event?
If you have answered most of these questions as yes, and if you feel distressed with these questions, there is a chance that you may have ROCD Type 1. For example, if you feel yourself attracted to someone else more than you are to your partner, instead of considering it as normal attraction, or instead of enjoying the feeling, if you seem to get anxious or feel guilty, to the point of dysfunctionality, it may be an indication that you may have ROCD Type 1.
You will find these questions in Worksheet 3 for you to go over and answer for yourself, in consultation with your partner and make a preliminary assessment if you have ROCD Type 1.
In the next chapter, we shall discuss the questions that I have compiled for ROCD Type 2.
Complete WS3 – ROCD – Type 1 traits